We are born and die naked. But in between these major moments, we tend to believe we need a partner to join us on the journey of life. We grow attached to this belief and begin to feel responsible for other people, or worse, we blame others for our mishaps or unhappy lives.

In this context, we will examine relationships from a viewpoint of Taoist philosophy of life. But let us start this contemplative journey by looking at our dualistic universe. A beginning and an end, a cycle of yin to yang, is what defines our universe. Nothing is endless.

In our reality, the concept of never-ending cannot be proven. Yin transforms from Yang, then back into Yin. A seed develops into a plant, which then returns to a seed. People are born and die. Karma is generated and then removed.

Deeper Understanding of Duality

If universe is a product of Yin Yang, represented by a cycle, we can logically deduct that relationships also follow a cycle. And yet, some think that the life of a relationship is infinite.

Everything in this universe is a combination of Yin and Yang aspects. Supposedly, the soul is a perfect balance between Yin Yang. When we incarnate, we seek to replicate our soul nature in life. We always search for something. There is always something missing, and therefore we look for it. It is like we get an injection in the mind (in this case, the word mind should be read as consciousness) called “desire.” These desires are driven by both the conscious and subconscious minds. Some are obvious to us, but others are not only impossible to explain or understand but even hard to detect. The choices we make sometimes are inexplicable at a conscious level.

Although the concept of Yin Yang describes labels of duality, we can use the model to understand our needs in general, but also in particular in the case of relationships. We need to be loved, understood, listened to, taken care for or the opposite, we need to love, understand, listen, or take care of others. There is a need or desire involved. When the partner stops listening (for their own reasons), we feel discouraged from sharing our thoughts and feelings. We get disappointed, upset, angry or just sad. The balance between Yin and Yang in that relationship is disturbed.

Natural Causes of Death

Relationships start to fail when our needs are conflicting or if they are different from one another. The weight of a permanent state of disequilibrium ruins us. We usually play the blame game at first, either on the partner or on ourselves. However, have you ever considered the possibility that this might be a normal reason why a relationship ends? Indeed! Although my choice of words may be a little dramatic, a relationship’s death is a natural part of life, much like any other thing in this universe. We will grieve and then get over it.

Love is a Powerful Drug

Are you truly the Yin to my Yang? Did you ever fall in love? If yes, be grateful for that feeling, as it does not happen every day. Some never get to experience it. As indicated by one of our contemporary masters of life, science and spirituality, Dr. Bruce Lipton, the honeymoon effect of being in love is also a frequency similar to the Earth frequency. This explains why we feel so imaginable great when we fall in love with someone or something. This is an energetic attraction. We vibrate together in love with others and the Earth. Its beautiful, until the mind takes over. When mind conditioning kicks in, it is not instinctual anymore, it is not natural. Maybe that’s why we say we love from the heart instead of the mind.

Marriage and Karma

It’s a topic I gave much thought to. There’s a good chance that people who have firm convictions about marriage and family will find this chapter unsettling. When you read this, set aside your preexisting beliefs and consider it from the standpoint of an observer. Just try!

What comes up when you search for “Who created marriage institutions” on Google? It takes just a millisecond to get your answer: “God created marriage.”.

A contract between a man and a woman, to ensure that the Man has an official power over the Woman. Have you ever wondered why God tends to be masculine? Maybe an article for the future, unless you are willing to do your own research about that.

Whether marriage was created to preserve the money within certain tribes or royal blood families, to create a certain security in the relationship, or simply to keep things under control on Earth, marriage is great up to a certain point.

If we are meant to evolve, how much are we going to do it with a partner, and how much of the relationship can be an obstacle?

One thing is certain: marriage is a contract that goes against the laws of nature because it expects people to bind themselves forever. It is like forcing a tree to bloom every day. Every rule has an exception, and I hope you, my dear reader, are one of them. And if you feel you are one, please write your thoughts in a book and share them with the world. I feel the world needs more like you.

The Clues

I am not against relationships (or marriage). I love to see happy couples. I think being with someone special can be truly rewarding.

Having said that, the question is: Would you compromise your joy or peace of mind just for the sake of being in any relationship? I saw too many people getting sick or even dying, choosing to protect a delusional belief about marriage or family despite not being at all happy.

If you experience any of the following symptoms or similar patterns, ponder if they are fixable or not.

Feeding on Each Other Chi

Human beings are walking batteries. Some are fully charged, and others need to find a source of energy. In a relationship, we all need something. Some feel sexually attracted; others seek protection or support. Some look for intellectual help, knowledge, or experience, while others purely need material resources (money). Each of us need something from the others. When we understand our needs and our partners’ needs, we know exactly what kind of relationship we are in. Be aware that these needs change with time. The needs of a honeymoon will not be the same after ten years of being in a relationship.

From an energy point of view, we feed on the beings in our life and they feed on us. It might sound like a vampirish thing, but it is as natural as it can be. That is how the world functions.

When the relationship is balanced, we give and take energy from each other. But when the relationship is detrimental, one of the partners sustains the other on a regular basis. If you feel constantly drained energetically, this is a sign that your relationship will get you sooner or later, sick.

Trauma in Relationships

Every relationship starts with a need. When we commit to a relationship, we may not consciously realize that both parties are following on fulfilling a need or more. In time, these needs change.

When one of the partners becomes abusive, looking to satisfy their needs, it comes with a price: traumatizing the other. I am very sad to say that in many cases, all this is done without even realizing it happens. Narcissistic behavior takes over and the relationship becomes an emotional fighting cage.

No More Respect

When we do not respect each other anymore, there is no way to find a common ground to solve any of the issues. There will always be issues within the relationship, or from outside. When there is a lack of respect and consideration for others, it is a dead end.

Nothing in Common

If the answer to the question: What do you do together? What do you have in common” is hard to give, there are big chances that your relationship is more of a burden than a joyful ride. Some say they have in common responsibilities (house chores, kids, financial burdens, etc) but let’s be honest: what kind of life do you want to live?

Is there Hope?

Once, I had a client who called me and talked for about an hour about their relationship. He was recently divorced for a year, and he started a new relationship with another woman. It was not surprising that he was facing similar issues in the new relationship. He wanted me to help him find a solution or even to help him make a fast decision about his new relationship: to marry or not.

My answer to him, as well as to anyone who asks this question, is straight forward: if you want to make a relationship work, you must work on yourself first. If you love yourself, respect yourself, feel good in your body, and like what you see in the mirror, you have good chances of doing the same for your partner.

We all must work on ourselves. Forgive, detach, and learn from mistakes. Give yourself a purpose that includes your partner. Don’t be delusional when you decide that there is hope.