Achieving mastery in relationships requires a high degree of self-awareness. The relationship we have with ourselves reflects, after all, how we interact with others. When there is no self-love, self-respect or self-esteem, it is almost impossible to love, respect and admire others. Self-improvement will solve most problems in relationships with others.
Physical vs Emotional
In each love relationship between two people, there tends to be one partner who is more comfortable verbalizing, touching and living by feelings, and one who is more comfortable thinking and living by logic and reason. One partner is heart-ruled and the other is head-ruled. Both are capable of thinking and feeling, and possess the ability to act out logically or emotionally. Yet, each is more comfortable with one behavior than the other. Below are just a few qualities of the two main categories of partners:
|Heart – Ruled||Head – Ruled|
|Enjoys working in teams||Enjoys working alone|
|Comfortable with body||Comfortable with intellect|
|Sexually responsive at all times||Sexually undemanding|
|Enjoys physical work (with hands)||Enjoys mental work|
|Affectionate in public and private||Affectionate only in private|
|Feels emotional pain physically||Feels emotional pain mentally|
|Dressed to maximize attention to the body||Dressed to minimize attention to the body|
Nobody can be either totally physical or totally emotional. The ratio is different from person to person, from age to age and in different situations. A deeper understanding of the above archetypes will explain how dynamics between different types of people will unfold in relationships. Should you choose to upgrade your knowledge on this topic, I highly recommend the book by John Kappas, Relationship Strategies available on amazon.
Each relationship, including yours, could be the subject of a book. As everyone loves a good movie with a happy ending, I chose to explain the types of relationships by referring you to a few famous stories, for a better understanding of the dynamic between physical and emotional types of people.
Case Study 1 – Both Partners are Physical
Both characters are extremely physical in their lives and relationship. They are both social, dramatic and expressive, hugging, touching and kissing in front of others.
Case Study 2 – Both Partners are Emotional
Both are introverts and emotional types – it takes almost the entire duration of the movie before they finally date in person, before which they only communicated through email. In a similar way, many people in our world today spend a lot of time in digital communication before they meet physically.
Case Study 3- One is Physical and one is Emotional
Edward is a successful businessman who spends all his time in the pursuit of career and money, without giving much importance to his personal life. Vivian is a sex worker who meets Edward and falls in love with him. He is an emotional type while she is physical. The dynamics of their relationship describe perfectly how an emotional personal interacts with a physical one. The movie has a happy ending but, from a case study perspective, they are just beginning their journey of exploring each other’s differences.
The Concept of Synastry
The word ‘synastry’ is used in astrology to describe how two individual birth charts are connected to each other. In other words, two people will individually have unique character traits but, when placed together, they will react in ways that bring out different aspects of their personalities. This explains why when you meet someone for the first time, you may either feel amazing or you will want to escape the encounter. We live in a world of energy vibrations. Some people will resonate with each other and create beautiful music. But let’s not forget the unpleasant sounds of disharmony created by people who do not synchronize with each other.
When the honeymoon period is over and we understand exactly what the synastry in our partnership is like, the only hope for an excellent relationship is to study our partner. Is he or she more emotional or more physical? How about you? All these questions must be answered and understood if we want the relationship to last long. The best way to observe the qualities of our partners is to be in the observer mode. Becoming invisible at times is an easy transition to the observer mode, a place where we are better able to find solutions to any problem within a partnership.
Invisibility is a quality that we underestimate, mostly because for most of us, when it comes to everything in life, it is all about “me, myself and I”. When we are not the most important element in the puzzle of life, we can start practicing our skills of invisibility. Although it would be really nice to be able to borrow the ‘invisibility cloak’ from Harry Potter or learn some magic tricks from a wizard, in real life we can only resort to appropriate strategies to become unseen (or unfelt) by others.
Although the human population has reached almost 8 billion people, planet Earth is still large enough. There is always a way to physically disappear: going for a long walk, reading in a quiet place or exercising elsewhere. Physical detachment gives us the opportunity to become an observer of the situation, of the other person and mostly of ourselves. In ‘The Ki Train Method‘ book, I describe it as the ‘Me self-healing time’. It’s a social detox that gives us the opportunity to spend time alone, taking the time to reflect and self-heal.
Emotion is energy in motion. Relationships are created at different chakra levels. It is an energy exchange that is created between us and other people. Some are just friends and we communicate mainly at the throat chakra level. Others we love – we connect at the heart chakra level. Those with whom we have sexual relationships – we are connected with at the sexual chakras, and so on.
If you want to become invisible, you must interrupt the cords and stop the energy exchange between you and others. This is an exercise of mental willpower. You will have to make the decision to free others from your emotional charges, which affect them through your connection. In reality, this can only help you too, because you free yourself as well. As a good practice, we should do this as often as possible, minimizing the energy loss through the existing cords, and keeping them harmonious.
Our thoughts create our reality. In a relationship, it is not only the words that affect the other person, but also the thoughts that precede them. Imagine a transparent cup filled with black tea. The cup of tea represents the environment. When you place a drop of milk inside, it changes the color of the tea entirely. This is what happens with our thoughts. Each thought is like a drop of milk to the environment of the tea. When we think too much, we will saturate the environment, affecting others with our thoughts.
As a good strategy for mental invisibility, we could choose to habitually practice meditation, Tai Chi, Qi Gong – which allow us to focus our mind into one single point, not permitting unwanted thoughts to control us.
Great Relationships – a Path to Enlightenment
Many spiritual masters have achieved enlightenment through renunciation, by choosing to become invisible to the world and giving up all their relationships. While this may be one path to becoming enlightened, another path is to perfect our relationships. Becoming invisible (detached), even for just a while, gives us the chance to evaluate and evolve as human beings. Great relationships allow us to know ourselves better and better, as the mirror from others is the only way to find the truth about who we really are.